Tea Party Declaration of Independence

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for citizens to dissolve the political bands which have heretofore connected them with the two, major, existing political parties and to assume among the powers of the earth, a new political party, with the separate and equal station which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitles it, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. 

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.  That to secure these rights, political parties are instituted among Men, deriving their powers from the consent of the members of those parties, That whenever any political party becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of those members to separate themselves from it, and to institute a new party, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.  Prudence, indeed, will dictate that affiliations with such political parties long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by separating from such political parties to which they are accustomed.   But when a long train of abuses and usurpations by both major, political parties, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce the American public under the absolute Despotism of the Federal government in Washington, D.C., it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off their allegiances to such parties, and to form a new political party for their and their children’s future security. 

Such has been the patient sufferance of the American people; and such is now the necessity which constrains the undersigned citizens of the United States of America to alter their allegiances to their former political parties.  The history of the present Republican and Democratic Parties is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny by the Federal government over the American people.  To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

 Both parties have created a tax system which stifles individual initiative and hard work and punishes those who would produce the wealth of this nation, while rewarding those who would choose to do nothing at all.

 Both parties have created a tax system which, at the end of the barrel of gun, compels citizens to subsidize a political spoil system designed primarily to keep members of those parties in power. 

Both parties have created whole classes of people who, to their spiritual detriment, have become solely dependent on the Federal government for their sustenance and, as a result, sell their vote to whichever party offers them the most governmental assistance. 

Both parties have systematically gutted the Right of the citizenry to bear such arms as are necessary to protect themselves and their families against evildoers, both foreign and domestic.  

Both parties, in pursuit of maintaining political position and power, have run future generations of this nation so far into debt that those generations can never realistically hope of being free of the yoke of those to whom that debt is owed. 

Both parties have debased the value of citizenship in this nation by permitting those who would ignore and defy the immigration laws of this nation to freely enter and remain herein.

 Lastly, both parties have allowed the laws and Constitution of this nation to be so subverted and twisted that giving honor and glory to Nature’s God, our Creator, either in our schools or in our public discourse is now strictly forbidden by the very same laws instituted to protect unalienable Rights He endowed.

 We, therefore, as citizens of the United States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name of the good People of the United States of America, solemnly publish and declare, That we are and of Right ought to be Free and Independent of the Republican and Democratic Parties; that we are absolved of all allegiance to those parties, and that all political connection between us and those parties, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as members of a new, Free and Independent political party, have full Power to do all Acts and Things which an independent political party may of right do.  And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.